The sick man

I could not understand why people would go to the cemetery. I know you need to go when you bury a friend or a relative that was dear to you that has died. But I could not understand why you should go there again for them. My parents said you go to celebrate their memory, but I have never seen anybody happy in a cemetery, like there are no happy memories. There are only sad people. Often they are so sad that they are crying.

Sometimes we go there for my grandparents. I have not known them for too long. We have not been good friends, and I do not miss them. I have never felt sad there. Maybe because I am too little now and I do not have friends that have died. But I still do not like to go there, there is not much to do for a child in the cemetery. I do not like looking at people, they seem caught in ugly thoughts and have sad faces. And I am not allowed to play with other children. I asked why but I did not receive an answer. Sometimes, when there is a funeral, there are many people and many flowers. I have never seen a dead person, I wonder if they are like in the movies that I had watched on television when my parents were not at home. But I am not tall enough to see in the coffin. Once I asked my father if he could lift me on his shoulders so that I could look, but he said no, it was not polite to do that. Then he smiled at me but I think that he was upset and I did not ask why. And I have not asked him again since then.
To pass the time, I like to look at the small monuments. Some have pictures of people and poems or stories that I do not understand. I don't know how to read very well yet, but every time I can get more words. However, I still do not understand what the poems mean. Other monuments have small candles but they do not smell nice like the candles we have at home when there are guests. And there are some that have statues of angels. I like the angels, but even they seem to be sad like the people walking among them. For me the good thing about the cemetery is that often after we return home other people come and visit us, and we have cakes.

One day something strange happened near a place where people go to buy candles and flowers for the monuments. People gathered around an old man I had seen before. This time he was different from the past. His hands were shaking, and then his head and entire body started, too. Another man went to him and helped him to sit down. Then he sat down himself and held the old man's head. Soon the old man started to tremble very badly and the other man held him very tightly, almost like he was trying to hurt him. I do not know what happened after that, somebody pulled me from there. Everybody seemed to be angry at me, although I had not done anything bad. Later that day my father told me that old man was very sick. He suffered from a disease that was called epilepsy, and people with this sickness start to tremble very badly when they have a crisis, and this was what had happened earlier. The other man that held him did not mean any harm, he was just taking care that the old man would not hurt his head badly while he was sick.

A few weeks later I saw again the old man in the cemetery, he seemed to be healthy again. My parents were busy arranging some flowers and I sneaked to him and asked him if he was feeling well. He looked at me and after some time he smiled and he said that he was all right and asked if I had seen him when he was sick. He apologized if he had scared me. He said used to come often to the cemetery to visit his wife. He remained alone after she had passed away and sometimes he would become sick while remembering her. Then he told me a child should not know about such things and that I should go back to the people I had come with before they'd get worried.

But on the way home I did think of him. He would have nobody to take care of him if he ever got sick at home, and he could get hurt badly. From that day, I felt very sad whenever I was in a cemetery because there are people like the old man for whom this is a better place than their house.

A special evening

One day mother didn't come home. Two sisters and their little brother waited patiently at first and then impatiently for her but she never came. They were alone in the house, their father had left two years before that. In their short lives that was such a long time and they'd forgotten him completely.
The only remaining family was a lady who stayed with them for a few days when mother stopped coming home and who eventually sent them to live with grandpa. She said he was their daddy's daddy and that it were better for them to go and live with him rather than being separated and living with foster parents. They did not understand what that meant, but they were glad to stay together.

She put them on a bus that took them to grandpa's village. They didn't know anything about him, they hadn't even known they had a one; mother had never mentioned him. But he was very nice; he waited for them at the station, took them to his house and they all lived together since. There was not too much room for all of them but they didn't have many things anyway, and neither did grandpa. They only had some clothes from home, and a few more from that nice lady. And a puppet, too, she gave it to the little boy before they got on the bus and said was sorry she could not afford to give them more. But they liked it a lot, they hadn't had other toys before.

Among the few things in grandpa's house there was a big painting on a wall, with some trees in it, like the trees in the garden. And among the trees there were two large animals. They had yellow fur and black stripes. The children didn't know what those animals were. The children were little and did not know many things. The eldest sister was not even old enough to go to school yet. And the boy hadn't even started talking yet, he could not say thank you to the nice lady for the puppet.

Not much has changed for the children since they arrived at grandpa's place, but in his house there were no loud noises from the street or from the building like it used to happen at home, and they could sleep at night without anything waking them up. And here they had grandpa's dog, too. The children liked him a lot, he was big and would take care of them when grandpa was at work. They didn't get to see grandpa much, but they had not seen mommy much when they lived with her, either. During the day she was at work, and during the nights when she was at home with them she used to fall asleep right after dinner or even before she was done eating.
At least grandpa came home every evening and played with them, but he was very tired, too, and would fall asleep quickly. The dog was there to keep them company all day long, though. And at night they had the small puppet to play with, too. The dog was not allowed to stay inside the house.

One day during winter grandpa came home earlier. The children did not have many warm clothes to play in the snow and had to stay inside. They were glad to see him, there was not much to do because the puppet had broken some time ago. He took the children and sat them at the table. Then he lit a candle under a small painting on the wall. It was a painting of a sad woman and her little baby. The children did not know who that woman was, but their mother had a picture just like that at home, too.
Grandpa told them he came home earlier because they would celebrate a very special day.
During dinner one of the girls asked grandpa what were the large animals in the big painting and he said they were tigers. The girl asked what a tiger was and where they lived. Grandpa said they lived in Africa and in India. She then asked if that was far and if they would eat their dog. He smiled and said they lived far and their dog was safe. The girl carried on and said she would like to go and play with the tiger one day.
Grandpa went to his bag and took out a small cake to celebrate that special day. The children were delighted; it had been a very long time since they had had cake or spent so much time with grandpa.

Grandpa smiled with them, but he was sad. He was sad because he could not give his children a new puppet for that special winter day. And he was sad thinking the children would never travel far enough to see a tiger.

I am not afraid of the dark.

When I was a little doll I was not very happy. The girl I belonged to did not like me very much. She was mean to me when we were alone. Beside me she also had a boyfriend, and he was nicer. But most of the times he was busy playing with other boys and he very rarely had time for me. When he was coming back home he used to made a lot of noise and throw things around or at my girl.
And my girl was very busy doing a lot of things, she never had too much time for me, either. Sometimes she would throw me around the house when I got in her way. She was nice to me only when I was not feeling well. I used to enjoy being sick, because then she'd bring me tea in bed, hold me and be nice to me. Those were the only moments when I was happy. But most of the times I did not like our home, it was loud in there. And it was dark.
I used to be afraid of the dark.

Now, I've grown up, I am no longer a doll. I am a girl now and I am happy all the time. I like to dance, to read and to paint. I like reading about dreams, and then I paint them. I like dreams, they are more beautiful than real life. And when I paint them, I bring them to life. I can build an entire world of my own, where all things are exactly as I want them to. And I have many friends, very good friends.
And guess what, I also have my own dolly now. I love her very much, every day. She is my best friend in the world. Sometimes she can be mean to me, but it's only when I'm not good enough for her. I'm doing my best, though. I even built a beautiful home for us, it is our own little place, where everything is perfect. It is nice and warm in there. I even had an older friend who had a doll himself, and we used to play together. He wasn't very nice to me sometimes but I did not mind, our dolls were playing together, too, and they enjoyed it very much. We played together for many years, and my puppet was very happy then. But as time passed, he cared less and less and it became very hard to be friends with him. I still play with him sometimes, but we aren't best friends anymore.

Once I met another boy. He had no doll of his own, and he was very different. I had known him from a long time, but not very well. I had almost forgotten him, but he has never forgotten me. One day he came and talked to me. He told me he was thinking of me from the first time we met, but did not have the courage to talk, he was shy and felt intimidated. I liked that, and we talked some more. After a while we became very good friends. He loved me very much and he was never mean to me. He was my boy now, all mine. I was very happy with him and he became my best friend.
We spent time together, we played together and we were happy. We made plans for the future. I told him to come and live with me and my doll in our beautiful home. He said yes and I was happy.
But I don't think my doll liked him. He would not play all her games and he'd tell her when she was cheating. And she didn't like that. Maybe she was afraid I would love her less if I also loved him. And maybe I was afraid of that, too. I don't know.
My doll can love nobody but me. She has grown now and spends much time with other dolls every day, but does not get along with them very well. She cannot be friends with them, all her love is for me. I try to do the same for her, too, nobody else matters now. And after a while I have stopped playing with my best friend. He was very sad, he cried. He tried to make me come back, and he cried some more when I said no. But maybe I'll be happier without him. I don't think I miss him and I don't feel alone. Maybe only sometimes, but then I can play with the older boy, and my doll is happy with him. She understands I don't love him and my love for her will not be less. I think it's easier like that for me and for everybody. We're only playing. I don't need the younger boy. He was too different, my life would have been too complicated. He was a good friend and we were happy, but maybe I could not love him all my life because I can only love my doll. Her happiness is the only thing that matters. Nothing or nobody else. Not even me. I can never say no to my doll. And I don't need anybody else.

And guess what. Even my girl from when I was a dolly is a good friend of ours now. She now takes care of my doll when I'm going dancing with my friends or playing with other boys. And my doll likes her. They are good friends. Maybe I was doing something wrong and that's why my girl didn't like me much when I was a little doll myself. Maybe it was my fault. It must have been.

My little doll is growing, and we are happy together. As she's starting to turn into a girl, our bight house seems to be getting somewhat darker.
But now I am not afraid of the dark anymore. Now I prefer it like that. When something bad happens and I don't like it, I just need to close my eyes and the dark makes it go away. I don't have to do anything I don't like, and I am happy all the time.
My eyes are no longer used to the light.

The green racing car.

There is a child who lives across the street. He is bigger than I am but from time to time he's crossing and comes to play. He plays football in the street with my brother and with other children. I'm only watching, they don't take me in their teams because I am too little to play with them. I would like to play, though, and I ask him sometimes and he lets me play in his team. Nobody would pass me the ball, because I am not very good. I am little and the ball is too big for me. And I can't run very fast. But he always takes me in his team, and he's passing me the ball and he stays near me to protect me from the other team. Most of the times we lose, but he still takes me in his team. But when we win, we are both very happy. One time I was kicked very hard with the ball and I fell down and it hurt. He came to help me and then took me home and said I would be fine. On the way home he gave me an entire packet of chewing gum which smells nice like watermelon and he told me it was all for me, and nobody else needed to know, like a big secret. My parents don't let me chew gum, they say I have little children teeth and it's not good for me. When I grow up I would like to be a big football player. And I will always take my friend in my team and share all my candy with him.

Some time ago I was a sick. I was coughing and when I drank cold water it hurt. After some days, mommy said we would go to the hospital. I did not know what it was, I had not been before to a hospital. But when we went, I did not like it there. It smelled bad, it was not nice. A lady in a white coat came to me and stung me with a needle. I cried because it hurt and I was scared, but the lady smiled at me and said I would be better. My mommy told me the lady was a doctor and she gave me an injection to stop me from being sick. We went back home and I did not cough after that. I am happy that I am not sick anymore, I have not been coughing after that. I can drink cold water now and I can even have ice-cream when daddy buys it. We are happy. My friend from across the street visits me again from time to time and we play together. I think he is happy for me, too.

After more days my mommy took me to the hospital again. Another lady in white coat put me on a table and looked at me and she gave me another of those injections. Then she told my mother the first needle had not been very clean and I could be still sick. I don't understand why she hurt my arm again with the injection, I am not sick. I am not coughing now.

When we went home my friend from across the street came to play with me and my brother, and he brought me a toy. I don't have many toys, and they are not very nice. He lets me play with his. Sometimes he lets me keep them when he goes back home. This time he brought me a green racing car. I had seen him play with it before, it is his best toy. If you press your hand on it and then you take your hand off, the wheels spin and the car drives by itself. I am very happy that he let me keep the race car, I like it so much. I am not very strong and I have to press hard with two hands to make it run, but it is nice when I get to make it drive by itself. Maybe when I am big my daddy will buy me a green racing car and I will go racing with my friend. But I think my daddy is upset with me now. He doesn't buy me ice-cream anymore. Still, I am happy to I play with my friend.

My mommy says I am not feeling very well and from time to time we have to go to the hospital again. They did not give me an injection this time, they gave me some candy. But I do not like this candy, it is not sweet and it smells bad, like the hospital. I don't like these candy, the injections and the hospital. I wish they didn't say I was sick and make me come here, because I am not coughing anymore.
When I go home from the hospital I like to play with my brother and my friend. Other children don't play with us anymore, they do not even play football with my brother and I think they are being mean to us now. They are saying words which upset my brother and my friend, but I don't understand what they are. And I don't have the courage to ask them what they mean. Luckily my friend is still nice and brings even more toys and he still likes to play with us. He visits me almost every day now. He likes to play with me, although he does not seem very happy sometimes when we play together. Maybe it is because the other children do not want to play football with him anymore. But I am happy that he stays with me.

One day my tummy was hurting, and mommy took me quickly to the hospital again and she said we had to stay there the whole night. Another lady doctor gave me another injection. Mommy is crying, I think she does not like it here. They gave me a big bed that is nice, but I would like to go home and sleep in my little bed. My green car is at home, with the other toys. I know my brother will play with it, I hope he does not break it until I come back, he is not very careful with toys that are not his. I don't like it here, there aren't any toys. And other people in white coats come to look at me, they are not very polite. They don't give me injections, they just look at me and give me more of that candy that I don't like. I am starting to get a little scared. My mommy says I got sick from the injection, but then why would she bring me here again?

I am sicker now, my tummy hurts all the time and I sleep more nights at the hospital than at home. One time my mommy says my friend cannot visit me, but she brought me some toys. I was very happy, in the bag I saw the green racing from him. The car does not drive in the bed, it is too soft when I press it down it my hands. And I am too little to get out of bed alone. But I am happy to have the car, I keep it with me and I hide it under the pillow when I sleep. I miss my friend, I would like to see him and play with him. And I bet he could make the car drive in the bed, too. I told mommy I would like to go home and play just a little, and then I can come back. She said I couldn't and she cried.
One evening I was in my bed and I could not sleep when I heard a lady in a white coat telling my mommy that I am not going back home anymore. My mommy did not say anything and she started to cry again. I am crying, too. I don't want to stay, I don't like it here. In the morning mommy said she had to go home to take care of my brother and that the doctors would take care of me here until she comes back. I asked her to take me with her and she said I had to stay in the hospital. She cried again, and I did not ask anymore. They never tell me things. Maybe because I am too little and I could not understand. But it's not nice, I would like to know what they will do to me and why I can't go home.

I am alone in the hospital now. The doctors come to look at me and mommy comes to visit me but she says nobody else can come and play with me. There is a telly in the room, but it doesn't have cartoons. There are people talking all day but I don't understand them, either. I am alone in the room but they won't let me watch what I like. There are not many things to do, it is boring here for a little child. When nobody is with me I think of my friend from across the street. I wonder if he will come to us to take his toys back. And I hope he will not be upset because I kept his green racing car. When they let me go home I will go and give it back to him. It's what friends do.