When I was a little doll I was not very happy. The girl I belonged to did not like me very much. She was mean to me when we were alone. Beside me she also had a boyfriend, and he was nicer. But most of the times he was busy playing with other boys and he very rarely had time for me. When he was coming back home he used to made a lot of noise and throw things around or at my girl.
And my girl was very busy doing a lot of things, she never had too much time for me, either. Sometimes she would throw me around the house when I got in her way. She was nice to me only when I was not feeling well. I used to enjoy being sick, because then she'd bring me tea in bed, hold me and be nice to me. Those were the only moments when I was happy. But most of the times I did not like our home, it was loud in there. And it was dark.
I used to be afraid of the dark.
Now, I've grown up, I am no longer a doll. I am a girl now and I am happy all the time. I like to dance, to read and
to paint. I like reading about dreams, and then I paint them. I like dreams,
they are more beautiful than real life. And when I paint them, I
bring them to life. I can build an entire world of my own, where all things are exactly as I want them to. And I have many friends, very good friends.
And guess what, I also have my own dolly now. I love her very much, every day. She is my best friend in the world. Sometimes she can be mean to me, but it's only when I'm not good enough for her. I'm doing my best, though. I even built a beautiful home for us, it is our own little place, where everything is perfect. It is nice and warm in there. I even had an older friend who had a doll himself, and we used to play together. He wasn't very nice to me sometimes but I did not mind, our dolls were playing together, too, and they enjoyed it very much. We played together for many years, and my puppet was very happy then. But as time passed, he cared less and less and it became very hard to be friends with him. I still play with him sometimes, but we aren't best friends anymore.
Once I met another boy. He had no doll of his own, and he was very different. I had known him from a long time, but not very well. I had almost forgotten him, but he has never forgotten me. One day he came and talked to me. He told me he was thinking of me from the first time we met, but did not have the courage to talk, he was shy and felt intimidated. I liked that, and we talked some more. After a while we became very good friends. He loved me very much and he was never mean to me. He was my boy now, all mine. I was very happy with him and he became my best friend.
We spent time together, we played together and we were happy. We made plans for the future. I told him to come and live with me and my doll in our beautiful home. He said yes and I was happy.
But I don't think my doll liked him. He would not play all her games and he'd tell her when she was cheating. And she didn't like that. Maybe she was afraid I would love her less if I also loved him. And maybe I was afraid of that, too. I don't know.
My doll can love nobody but me. She has grown now and spends much time with other dolls every day, but does not get along with them very well. She cannot be friends with them, all her love is for me. I try to do the same for her, too, nobody else matters now. And after a while I have stopped playing with my best friend. He was very sad, he cried. He tried to make me come back, and he cried some more when I said no. But maybe I'll be happier without him. I don't think I miss him and I don't feel alone. Maybe only sometimes, but then I can play with the older boy, and my doll is happy with him. She understands I don't love him and my love for her will not be less. I think it's easier like that for me and for everybody. We're only playing. I don't need the younger boy. He was too different, my life would have been too complicated. He was a good friend and we were happy, but maybe I could not love him all my life because I can only love my doll. Her happiness is the only thing that matters. Nothing or nobody else. Not even me. I can never say no to my doll. And I don't need anybody else.
And guess what. Even my girl from when I was a dolly is a good friend of ours now. She now takes care of my doll when I'm going dancing with my friends or playing with other boys. And my doll likes her. They are good friends. Maybe I was doing something wrong and that's why my girl didn't like me much when I was a little doll myself. Maybe it was my fault. It must have been.
My little doll is growing, and we are happy together. As she's starting to turn into a girl, our bight house seems to be getting somewhat darker.
But now I am not afraid of the dark anymore. Now I prefer it like that. When something bad happens and I don't like it, I just need to close my eyes and the dark makes it go away. I don't have to do anything I don't like, and I am happy all the time.
My eyes are no longer used to the light.
